Recently Discovered Book of Ridiculus, Which was Removed from the Bible Because it Was Too Silly.

And Jesus spake unto me, saying, Hey, do you have change for a dollar?

And Jesus did go swiftly to the change machine and inserted his dollar into the slot. And the change machine did not give unto Jesus any quarters, and so was condemned to burn in the Lake of Fire for all of eternity.

And Jesus pulled his purse out of his bosom and looked through it for some spare change. And I did go over to Jesus and spake unto him, saying, Um, here, I'll just loan you a dollar.

And Jesus thanked me and put his money into the cigarette machine and bought a pack of Marlboros.

And Jesus spake unto me, saying, If any man doth strike you [so as] to knock off your nose, be assured that his [nose] shall also be stricken off.

And I spake unto Jesus, saying, Hey, quit talking like that. It's wierd.

And Jesus did strike me [so as] to knock off my [nose] and the power of the LORD did come down to cause the nose of Jesus to be also stricken off.

And The LORD spake unto me, saying, Mine own Son, Jesus hath stricken thee [so as] to knock off thy nose. Therefore I have also caused his nose to be stricken off. And Thy nose shall now be restored to thee. And if any Man doth again strike thee [so as] to knock off thy nose, he shall be damned sorry.

And I spake unto the LORD, saying, Damnit, God, you quit talking like that too. You're worse than your Son here.

And the Lord God, knowing that He would have to be damned sorry if He did strike me [so as] to knock off my nose, decided to strike me [so as] to knock off my penis instead. And I was damned sorry instead of Him.

To Page Six.